You Get What You Pay For

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Finding out that Rudy Giuliani was taking Donald Trump’s case pro bono makes a weird kind of sense.  I mean, Rudy’s utter incompetence and penchant for digging Trump’s hole of trouble ever deeper is deeply embarrassing for that monster, but Trump’s distaste for paying for the work that people do for him is also pretty well noted.  Rudy may be doing a lousy job, but free is free, yeah?  But beyond free, Trump’s trouble with finding representation for his pending legal issues has been very public, so  his willingness to go to bat for the man has value as well.  But yeah, as the old saying goes, you get what you pay for, and Rudy’s work is certainly worth the price tag of zero dollars.

Great Legal Mind

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I know I’ve said it before, but Rudy Giuliani should probably retire.  I know that He had a fairly prodigious legal career leading up to his time as Mayor of New York, but good gracious, whatever legal acumen he once possessed has clearly long since departed.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no legal scholar, but Rudy doesn’t seem to understand what laws are anymore.  Like, he keeps suggesting that Trump’s collusion with Russia isn’t against the law, and while he might technically be right, insofar as there is no law of collusion, all the things that go into creating collusion are crimes, not limited but including conspiring to influence the result of the election.  The problem is that instead of calling his client innocent, Rudy has a bad habit of saying that criminal acts aren’t crimes, then trying to shimmy around some contextual argument where that may or may not be true.  And what’s worse for Trump, is that Trump keeps parroting the legal claims that Giuliani uses on TV, which often leads to him seemingly further implicating himself.  I dunno. Maybe their legal maneuvering is just too many steps beyond my feeble brain, but I’d wager money that it’s going to just turn out that they were playing legal checkers with the wrong crowd.

The Truth isn’t the Truth

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Rudy Giuliani’s tenuous grasp on reality is only getting more and more loose as his time with Donald Trump increases.  Apparently Rudy now believes that Trump isn’t even beholden to the nature of reality any more.  On Meet the press on Saturday, Giuliani explained with great vehemence that the Truth doesn’t have to be Trump’s truth.  Indeed the Truth isn’t even the truth.  Suffice to say, Chuck Todd was rightly baffled by the whole exchange, even going so far to correctly say “This is going to become a bad meme.”  And goodness, Chuck couldn’t be more right!  Memes almost immediately started popping up all over Twitter with Giuliani’s quote “Truth isn’t Truth” holding a special resonance for many.  People are likening it to an Orwellian 1984 type sentiment.  I think Giuliani is off his damn rocker, and thinks he’s in the Matrix.  You remember the Matrix, right?  The movie where the spoon isn’t the spoon and reality is just a computer program?  Yeah, I think someone might have told him that 1999 cyberpunk classic is a documentary, and honestly, that would explain a lot of his more cryptic statements in recent days.  He apparently took the “the red pill.”

Strategic Pivot

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Rudy Giuliani is out selling the new line, and it’s being repeated around the conservative networks like a wild fire…and it’s really disturbing.  If we go back to right the early days, post election, the official line is that Russia didn’t meddle in the election, and Trump and team certainly didn’t collude with them to help that happen. NO COLLUSION.  When the investigation into Russia’s interference began in earnest, a certain dossier was uncovered, and news of high level campaign staffers and cabinet members having connections and meetings with potential Russian agents, including but not limited to Paul Manafort and even Donald Trump’s own son, Don Jr., the narrative changed a little.  Now it was, ok…we might have had some meetings, but nothing ever exchanged hands, nothing shady happened, and Donald Trump was certainly never personally aware of it.  Also, still not convinced Russia did anything wrong. NO COLLUSION.  Then indictments were made, statements came out, some of Trump’s confidants became willing to testify, and the narrative again made a subtle change. The people indicted were actually not really, truly, honestly THAT big a part in the whole campaign. They were small cogs doing their own thing. NO COLLUSION. In recent days, It’s become increasingly obvious that Trump himself WAS aware of certain events during the time they were happening, and as things are unfolding, the new line has been unveiled.  Now the narrative is: If the WAS COLLUSION, then it’s fine.  Collusion isn’t TECHNICALLY illegal.  Anyone in Trump’s position given the chance would have colluded.  Excuse me?  Taking potential leverage from a hostile foreign power who could use that as leverage of their own?  MMMMno.  I don’t think so.  I don’t think ANYONE would have colluded.  Only insecure manchildren and supervillains, really.

Questionable Loyalty

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Sometimes I genuinely wonder if Rudy Giuliani is on Donald Trump’s side.  I mean, at a certain point, I remember thinking Giuliani was a reasonable person.  Sure, he’s always been highly conservative in his politics, but I vaguely recall him not coming off as a crazy person at one point.  Then he starts being Donald Trump’s lawyer, and he starts saying things which sort of feel like he’s sabotaging his own case.  He rarely talks about Trump’s innocence, and mostly just refers to how Trump can snake his way around the law as the President.  He talks about how Trump could get away with murder, and Trump’s recollection is “always changing”.  I’ve seen more than one episode of Law & Order, I know that’s how lawyers imply folks are lying.  It’s just…is he actually trying to help the President or sink him?  Is this one elaborate long con?

Scot Free

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Piling on to the mountain of absurd statements that Rudy Giuliani has made in the past month, he recently told the Huffington Post that the President could theoretically murder someone and not get indicted.  So here’s the thing…I know that presidential lawyers like throwing around theoretical arguments about what the President can legally get away with under the constitution, but let’s be real, if Donald Trump killed a guy,  you can bet money that putting theory to into practice might be pretty darn difficult.  I’d be willing to bet that, sitting president or not, the DoJ would find a way to prosecute.  But that said, I wouldn’t put it past Trump to test the theory.

Clear Understanding

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So, a few days ago, Rudy Giuliani came out and told everyone that Mueller was planning to wrap up his investigation by September 1.  And most people, upon hearing that, probably thought “well that’s horsesh*%”.  It just didn’t seem credible.  But up until that point, Giuliani hadn’t really had a problem with lying.  If anything, his issue was that he was probably a little too truthful.  He couldn’t keep things under wraps.  So it was a troubling statement to say the least.  Of course now sources are coming out saying that it was a total fabrication, and it leaves me wondering what changed for Rudy to come out and play this tactic, which most think was just a ploy to put pressure on the investigation.  I dunno.  I think Rudy just may be a little short on the uptake.

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

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I feel like Rudy Giuliani has really completed the sitcom feel of the White House.  He’s the Barney Fife to Trump’s Andy Griffith, the Kramer to his Seinfeld.  He goes on TV and says something dumb or regrettable Trump has an “Oh Rudy!” Moment, and the nation has a good laugh as we all continue watching him steer us toward Armageddon.   The thing of it is, Michael Avenatti seems to be getting ammunition out of Giuliani’s interviews, and I think Giuliani kind of knows it.  Avenatti squarely said that he’d love to have a conversation with Giuliani, on whatever network he chooses, under fair conditions for both parties.  Giuliani though was having none of it.  He called Avenatti a pimp and said that he didn’t involve himself with pimps!  Considering his stance on paying people off on behalf of clients, I don’t know if I believe him.

Differing Opinions

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In an interview with George Stephanopoulos, Rudy Giuliani said that Trump would have the executive privilege of not having to comply with a subpoena. He argued that it was his right as the President.  It was pointed out that someone rather prominent disagrees with him on a pretty fundamental level: Himself exactly 20 years ago, when he argued that Bill Clinton shouldn’t get special treatment because he’s the President.  He should have to go through the motions of a subpoena like any other citizen of this great country.  Rudy seems to be suffering from the same problem that Trump can’t get away from: The Internet has a VERY long memory, and loves to smell out the garbage.

Rudy Giuliani: Ace Attorney

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Trump is shaking things up with his legal team.  He’s brought on an old White House bulldog of a lawyer, Emmet Flood, who could potentially be quite a benefit to the Trump legal team.  So to balance out that intelligent move, he made a crazy, possibly suicidal move to really keep us all on our toes, by bringing on Rudy Giuliani as well.  I know that Giuliani has a good reputation during his time as mayor in New York, but in recent years, the man has kind of gone off the rails.  Naturally, the first thing he does as soon as he’s appointed is to go on Sean Hannity to torpedo Trump’s cases.  Among the fun things revealed in that interview, he said that Trump did in fact reimburse Michael Cohen for his $130,000 payment to porn star Stormy Daniels.  Despite his backtracking immediately after that statement, there is no way that revelation, or any of the others that Giuliani continues to unleash off the cuff, could benefit Trump’s position. I think it’s time for Rudy to officially retire from being the crazy old Republican bullhorn.