Space Pirates

Space Pirates1

Ted Cruz.  I kind of appreciate him going above and beyond to justify the unjustifiable for his Master, Donald Trump. When asked to explain why a space based branch of the military was necessary, he proudly suggested that space pirates would be a problem.  After all, he proclaimed, Navies the world over have had to deal with sea pirates for hundreds of years, it only makes logical sense that Space Pirates would also be a problem!

 

Do I need to explain how the logic doesn’t track? No? Well I’m going to anyway.

 

Sea piracy was always going to be a problem, because there were plenty of sea faring vehicles to commandeer and getting from ship to ship was as easy as jumping from one place to the next.  Those are pretty big hiccups to overcome for people wanting to pirate in space.  There aren’t an over abundance of spacefaring vehicles.  In fact they pretty much are non-existent until they are needed to get to space, and the ones that are built are basically one use items.  They get them up there, and that’s about it.  And they certainly aren’t equipped to help pirates dock OTHER non-existent space trade ships, because again, THOSE AREN’T A THING!  It only becomes a thing if we make it a thing.  Space Pirates could only ever exist if we make a world a space military becomes exists.  It’s a problem that creates the problem you’re trying to solve…which now that I think about, sounds pretty much like what politicians do anyway…

Parade Validation

out of control parade1

I guess Trump is cancelling his grand military parade because, at it turns out, to create the parade he wanted, it would run about $92 million!  $92 MILLION.  If that number doesn’t raise your blood pressure a few points, it should be noted that that number is about $80 million over budget.  And that’s not hyperbole.  That’s about 766% over the expected budget.  And it leaves me once again with the question, who the hell was this parade for?  I mean, what was the purpose?  Listen, I appreciate the troops as much as the next guy, but sending our tanks and missiles down Pennsylvania Ave. doesn’t make me think of our troops.  It makes me think Trump is proud of our guns.  And the reality is, I think that’s more of the point.  As much as Trump wants us to believe this was about troop morale, I think it’s more akin to Trump really wanting to show off the nation’s firepower.  Because we all know what people say about the size of one’s guns…that’s it’s reflective of the size of their insecurity.

Footing the Bill

Military Wall1

The Border Wall might be concept I want to just go away the most.  It’s an entirely pointless, useless construct that will do almost nothing to curb undocumented immigration, because as anyone with a cursory understanding of the subject will tell you, the VAST majority of people here illegally didn’t cross the border in the dead of night, they came over perfectly legally and didn’t leave when they were supposed to.  If built, it’s a symbol of our dedication to Security Theater, or providing the visual appearance of impressive security, but lacking any real teeth to do the job.  Of course the big selling point Trump originally had was that Mexico would in fact be paying for this massively expensive project.  Mexico in laughed in Trump’s face, and now keeps trying to weasel the US and it’s citizens into paying for it.  Now he wants the military to pay for it.  Not only that, but he thinks having the Military build the damn thing falls well within the purview of national defense.  I think any normal person would feel that nagging sensation of embarrassment and shame creeping over them.  I have to give it to Trump that he seems unable to feel shame for anything.

Space Force 2: The Pipe Dream

Space Force no more1

So General John Hyten, of course, told the Senate Armed Forces Committee that we aren’t doing a Space Military.  I mean, he was a bit nicer about it then I would have been.  Namely in him not mentioning that the tech to have some kind of military presence in space is non-existent, and that Star Wars, Star Trek, and Buck Rogers all either take place in galaxies far, far away or in the far future.  But the general diplomatically said that it just wasn’t the time, that the military has more taxing concerns in front of it and that maybe in the future it would be a possibility (bless him and his optimism).

Space Force!

Space Force1

Donald Trump might be a 10 year old in the body of a man in his mid 70s.  He’s now discussing creating a new branch of the military he’s dubbing the “Space Force”.  Because apparently if we can have an Air Force (which you would think space would also be apart of seeing as space is also technically in the air, but that’s just semantics) we can certainly also have a Space Force.  Considering how much money isn’t being spent on space exploration, and how much money is not even being suggested for allocation for such a purpose, it’s interesting to think that he believes he’s going to be the President who gets a man on Mars and establishes a military presence in space.  But apparently a little boy can dream.