Adjustments

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As the partial government shut down barrels into it’s third week, Trump continues to try and convince people that it’s a) not his fault and b) totally fine because if anyone can handle life without a paycheck, it’s those government employees.  They’re all swimming in dough! On Sunday, when asked if was able to relate to people who can’t pay their bills.  To which Trump, of course, said that he could.  Of course he could!  Of course Trump can relate to the common man and their money problems.  I mean, Trump himself is no stranger to money problems.  Remember that time in the early 1990’s when he was a missed payment away from losing his businesses?  I mean, he still got to live in his penthouse in New York, and had all the comforts of wealth, but goodness, the banks had to put him on a spending allowance!  I mean, that’s basically the same as not getting a paycheck, right?  He can totally relate to the people he’s selfishly screwing over in the name of a bad campaign promise!  And it’s okay, because everyone who is being screwed is totally fine with it because they all care more about a wall that will do little to stem illegal immigration than being able to pay rent and for utilities!

Snow Fun

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If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times:  If you think snow is a winter delight of fun times, then you do not have an adult relationship with snow.  You’ve never tried to drive in it, and you were never tasked with removing it from places that it wasn’t supposed to be.   Snow is the worst, and no amount of snow men or snow angels will ever change that fact.

You’re welcome.

Pants on Fire

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Tuesday, January 8, 2019 was an interesting night in the history of the United States.  Donald Trump went on live television to declare that there was a humanitarian crisis at the southern border, even though there wasn’t/isn’t.  He distorted facts and lied for about 10 minutes, and then, like the most informal debate ever recorded, the Democratic leaders of congress went on TV to rebut Trump’s speech.  Just so we’re clear, the President of the United States went on TV for the express purpose of lying to the people, and Congressional leaders followed up immediately by going on TV to call him on it.  It was crazy enough that I can’t even think of a fitting metaphor to compare it to.  It feels kind of unprecedented and it really encapsulates what political discourse has turned into over the last couple of years.  Even if Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi didn’t rebut Trump’s speech, most major news organizations were running fact checks as he was speaking, and news sites put up annotated transcripts of exactly what was said and what was wrong.  That’s just what politics is in 2019.  And I don’t know that it’s ever going back to what it was.

Relatable

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As the partial government shut down barrels into it’s third week, Trump continues to try and convince people that it’s a) not his fault and b) totally fine because if anyone can handle life without a paycheck, it’s those government employees.  They’re all swimming in dough! On Sunday, when asked if was able to relate to people who can’t pay their bills.  To which Trump, of course, said that he could.  Of course he could!  Of course Trump can relate to the common man and their money problems.  I mean, Trump himself is no stranger to money problems.  Remember that time in the early 1990’s when he was a missed payment away from losing his businesses?  I mean, he still got to live in his penthouse in New York, and had all the comforts of wealth, but goodness, the banks had to put him on a spending allowance!  I mean, that’s basically the same as not getting a paycheck, right?  He can totally relate to the people he’s selfishly screwing over in the name of a bad campaign promise!  And it’s okay, because everyone who is being screwed is totally fine with it because they all care more about a wall that will do little to stem illegal immigration than being able to pay rent and for utilities!

New Year, New Wins

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For Donald Trump, it’s clear that victory is not what’s important.  You don’t need to win as long as you can create the appearance of winning.  Failing that, just declaring victory to a big enough crowd will do in a pinch.  It helps when the things you are “winning” are nebulous and ill defined.  Trump won by making America great again?  Well sure! I mean, he’s not getting his wall funding from either Mexico or Congress, the country is more divided than ever, the rest of the world thinks we’re a joke and/or cowards and our economy is in a nosedive, but I mean, there was a Tax bill.  That’s pretty great right?  The same goes for the “War on Christmas.”   I mean, it’s easy to win a war that isn’t actually happening.  Leave it to Trump to declare victory for a Holiday that 90% of the country celebrates in one form or another.  But I guess that’s what you have to do when you promised in your campaign that you’d keep stacking wins, only to have practically none when it came time to put rubber to the road.

How Not to Pitch Me Ideas

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To be fair, I like when people want to give me suggestions.  I honestly don’t want to discourage it.  But I feel it’s important to clarify that a comic strip isn’t just random things jumbled together and then everyone laughs.  There needs to be an idea to be conveyed.

Usually a joke.

Don’t get me wrong, I agree with you that Hippos in high heels and Donald Trump with a rodent on his head are fun images, but they don’t actually convey much of a message.  And if I’m not here to say something, then what am I here for?

Say Thank You

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So Donald Trump’s first big campaign push for 2020 is a phone line that you can leave him little thank you messages on.  And I’m going to give you the number.  It’s 1-800-684-3043.  You’ll have to get through the solicitation portion, but once there, you can leave the President a message.  Any message.  You can tell the man exactly what you think about him and his presidency.  The expectation, according to the remarkably self serving campaign ad that aired on CNN, is that you’ll thank him for doing all the things he’s doing to our country.  I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t feeling particularly thankful when I called the number, and I may have used a few more expletives than is dignified, but I have to tell you, it was a wonderfully cathartic experience.  I don’t know that Trump himself will ever actually hear my message, but I have to say, even the thought of it gives me some glimmer of satisfaction.  So call the number, let the man know what you’re thinking.

New Year Optimism

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For the last 3 years, at least one friend will at some point come up to me and say “I mean, there is no way this year could be worse than last year!”  And I’m at the point where if one more person says that to me, I might just jump off a roof.

As it stands, on a great many fronts, I don’t know that 2019 is on track to be better than last year, or the year before.  Now, I know this outlook seems kind of cynical, but the idea is that low expectations leaves less room for disappointment, and greater room for a pleasant surprise.  I mean, there are things that might suggest a light at the end of the tunnel.  Political power in Washington feels a little less one sided.  The general populace is more than ever worried about things like climate change.  But at the same time, Donald Trump might be one bad day away from pushing the big red button, and this could be the year that deregulation screws our economy and ecology.  So we are on a weird pendulum and I don’t know which way it will swing.

But I know one thing. I don’t need some jerk jinxing it by saying “It can’t be worse than last year!”

Breaking Point

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Listen, Donald Trump supporters are a loyal bunch.  For the most part, I can think of few things that will get them to even question Trump’s judgment.  If Robert Mueller uncovers that Trump swore allegiance to Russia in an official ceremony, his supporters would find a way to suggest that it was the most patriotic thing that any president has ever done ever.  He can do no wrong in their eyes, even when the things he does are empirically wrong.  The same people who were chanting for Bill Clinton to be impeached almost 30 years ago are suggesting that Trump’s more shady infidelity is less than.  All of the stuff that any other President would have been a traitor to our country for doing, is somehow excusable when done by an orange, rich toad.  It’s mind boggling.

But I have to say, if there is one thing that might get some Trump loyalists to turn their head is him legislating their firearms.  I know, even technically the NRA was on board for the bump stock ban, but I know that conservative gun enthusiasts are fans of their slippery slopes, and that had to raise a few hairs when Trump bypassed actual legislation and enacted a sweeping bump-stock ban.  The way I see it, if we start seeing cracks in that specific armor, this might be where we see them.